Beckham Luke Part II

Before I start this post, I just want to say that some of the things I am writing are very personal to me, but I feel I should share my experience with you. Maybe this will give someone else hope, or help them get through a hard trial. I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My experience with Beckham has strengthened that testimony, and in this post I wish to share it with you. I am sorry if I offend anyone; because I know not all of my friends share my same religion, but I don't feel I can truly share my experience without also sharing my testimony.

The NICU life-Living a nightmare

David Osmond "Loneliest Walk"

"She pushes 'L' on that old elevator door
Her heart is broken, arms are bare
The doors are closing and she's staring at the floor
There's still a piece of her up there

It seems like yesterday she saw him on the screen
Painted a room and picked out names
But now she has to leave him under big machines
To keep alive his tiny frame
She's on the way to her car but it's never felt this far

With each step she takes there's another to follow
And one more ache, one more tear to swallow
She's gotta keep moving,
Forget about the bruising inside
Through the loneliest walk of her life

                         

The following weeks with Beckham in the NICU were very scary; his PDA valve in his heart was open and was causing blood to flow into his lungs, he was on the highest setting of oxygen, his level one brain bleed on one side, was now a bilateral level 3 brain bleed and was progressing rapidly, he had air trapped in his lungs so they were going to have to put a tube in his chest to get the air out, and he was needing multiple blood transfusions to keep his hemoglobin up. He was down to 1 lb 15 oz and it seemed like everything that could go wrong, was going wrong. 

"We got some bad news today from Beckham's doctor. He just told that they're worried Beckham might have air trapped in his lungs. If it is, it could cause his lungs to collapse and they'll have to go in and put a tube in his chest to let the air out. He's requiring more oxygen today, so they want to give him surfactant but that might disrupt his pulmonary hemorrhage. The valve in his heart is open, they want to give him medicine to close it... But that's not good for babies who have brain bleeds. They are going to try another PICC line today, I pray he will do ok and they'll actually be able to get one in. His veins are just so fragile that it made him bruise all over the last time they tried. He's got a huge long list of problems, and there is nothing they can do because If they treat it... It can make something else worse!! Please Please pray for him. I just don't think I can handle much more bad news."

"Just got some more bad news from Beckham's doctor. His level one brain bleed on one side, is now a level three in both sides. There is a question as to whether the one on the left is a level four or not. We won't know much more until Thursday (my birthday) if it has progressed or not. I am just beyond words right now. All I'm asking is for PRAYERS, he is just having the hardest time and all I can do is try to stay strong and optimistic. I just want him to be healthy again. I love my little boy with all my heart. Please keep him in your prayers tonight."

The next few weeks were hard and very emotional. People say that the NICU life is like a "roller coaster." Id say its more like jumping off a cliff every day, and you're just wondering if you're ever going to land! 

One day I decided to go see Beckham by myself so that Skyler could get some one on one time with Cayman. He needed some normalcy in his life after being babysat by my mom and sister, and being switched back and forth between the two. When I got to the nicu, Dr. Simmons sat me down and explained that if Beckham got worse, there was a chance we would have to decide whether or not to take him off life support. His brain bleeds were progressing rapidly and because he was needing so much oxygen, he felt there was nothing else they could do for him. I was at a loss for words and the room was spinning. I called Skyler, and he asked to speak to the doctor immediately. Lets just say that conversation did not turn out well for Dr Simmons. Skyler told him that he wanted to be there any time he had bad news from now on, so that I wouldn't be alone and he could be there to comfort me. I felt bad for Dr. Simmons, it wasn't his fault, but I was glad they made this arrangement. 

After I got off the phone with Skyler I had a huge breakdown. I don't think I've ever been so upset in my life. I felt angry, extremely sad, and completely worn down. Heavenly Father promises he will never give us a trial that is too hard for us to handle. This- felt way too hard. The head nurse Kathy came over when she saw how upset I was, and pulled me into a more private room. I completely broke down and cried like a baby. I yelled, and cried, and got everything out! 

Skyler drove to the hospital right after that to be with me and Beckham. It is the most heartbreaking feeling in the world looking at your newborn little boy, and saying your goodbyes. Skyler said something I will never forget. He said, "in the WORST case scenario, we will have a little boy in the celestial kingdom with his Heavenly Father. How can we be sad about that?" After he said that, everything seemed so much easier. For the first time since Beckham was born, I put my trust in the Lord. It was in his hands and I knew he had a plan for our little boy.

Fasting & Blessings

We had a fast for Beckham after we heard he might not make it. Skyler and I contacted our close friends from Alaska to Germany and they all fasted the following sunday. I couldn't fast because I was nursing, so for the entire month of October I gave up soda, which sadly I'm addicted so it was really hard for me. After church, Skyler and I visited him. We asked his nurse Becky how he was doing, and she said "He is having the best day of his life!!" I couldn't believe it. Within just 24 hrs, he was already making improvements. 

"Beckham had a great day today. They are weening him off of oxygen and putting him on a regular respirator instead of the heavy duty one he was requiring, his blood gases were perfect, they also pulled back his lung secretions and there was NO BLOOD! Thank you to everyone who fasted for him. We are already seeing improvements in Beckham and we have felt your prayers. We have learned to put his fate in the Saviors hands, it is his will and we know he loves him. Tomorrow we get the results of his followup head ultrasound! We are hoping the brain bleeds haven't progressed an that they are healing! Please pray for Beckham tonight, all I want for my birthday is GOOD NEWS from his doctor!" 

To be honest, I never was a big believer in fasting. Growing up, my friends and I would sneak out to the car and eat oreos and drink mtn dew on fast sunday. It wasn't until my family fasted for Beckham that I realized the true meaning of it. It was amazing hearing the stories from our friends and families who felt the spirit so strong during their fast. We are truly thankful for everyone who fasted for him, and who kept him in their prayers. It was the best gift anyone could have ever given to our family.

Beckham also received a few blessings in the nicu. I am so grateful for the power of the priesthood, and to be married to a worthy priesthood holder. Every time we felt like all hope was lost, we would ask for him to have a priesthood blessing. After each blessing, I felt the spirit and knew that the Lord was watching out for our little boy. I truly believe that he was never alone and that there were angels watching out for him always.

My Birthday Wish

(spending my birthday at the nice with Beckham)

The day of my birthday they were to do a followup head ultrasound on Beckham to see if his brain bleeds were any worse. I was terrified that it would be bad news, so when people asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told them I wanted good news from his doctor! That day Dr Simmons came in and said there was no change to his brain bleeds, they hadn't progressed but they hadn't gotten better either. Although it wasn't the greatest news, it wasn't bad news. It looked like he was definitely going to make it- We were extremely happy with that! 

Heart in two places. 

Having a baby in the nicu, and Cayman at home was not easy. I am thankful for my family who stepped in so that Cayman always had someone to watch him. I knew it was hard on him having us away so much being with Beckham, so I made sure he was always watched by family. People that he KNEW and LOVED, not total strangers. My mom took off work so many times to watch Cayman, and always sat with Beckham when I was needed at home. My heart was always in two places at once, but when I was with Beckham I knew I was where I needed to be. When I was with Cayman, I knew I was where I needed to be also. My boys were what kept me going. One thing that gave me great comfort was knowing that Beckham was NEVER alone, every time I prayed for him I felt the spirit and knew that he had angels watching out for him.

 "If there is one thing I've learned these past few days, it's that no one can ever prepare you for the intense love you feel for your children. If it weren't for my sweet baby Cayman, I would have sunk into my bed today too depressed to face the world. If it weren't for my sweet baby Beckham, I'd never bother getting out of my pj's! My husband and my baby boys keep me going. Heavenly Father didn't send them to me because they needed me, he sent them because I need them! They are what keep me going every day. I love my family! "

The Following Weeks-milestones

A couple weeks after Beckham was born they took him off of the ventilator, that was a huge accomplishment for him. I truly believe he was able to accomplish this because of all of the prayers, fasts, and blessing he received. I was able to hold my baby for the first time two weeks after he was born, It was just in his incubator, but it was still amazing!

Then a week after that I was able to hold him outside of his incubator! Id have to say that it was probably one of the best moments I've had in life. I will never take for granted getting to hold my children, because I know what its like to face the eminent possibility that you might not ever be able to. Beckham was and is such a fighter and we are so proud of him for everything he has already accomplished in life.

Oct 9th

A video of the first time I held him. (sorry its so big)

(Showing us his gangster poses)

(he had his own little cocoon in the NICU. A blanket made by great grandma Dyer, a picture of his family to look at, his own stuffed animal, and tons of drawings from all his cousins! He is so loved.)

(Skylers first time doing Kangaroo care)

(My first time doing kangaroo care with Beckham)

(First time feeding him a bottle)

A few weeks before Beckham was able to come home, his awesome nurse let us wheel him from the nicu to the nursery so that Cayman could see his little brother for the first time. It was just through the glass, but it was still amazing watching them together. Cayman loves his little brother! He couldn't have been more uninterested at first, but once we removed the blanket he saw that there was a BABY in there. 

(Thanksgiving with Beckham)

(Cayman was sick at home, so I got to wear this sweet robe all day! haha)

(All dressed up in his Christmas attire)

Taking him HOME!!

Beckham spent a little less than 3 months in the nicu. Some may think thats a lot, but I know so many people who's babies spent a lot more time there, and some who never got to bring their babies home. It was a true miracle and testament to my faith in Jesus Christ that we were able to bring our baby home. I don't know what I did to be so blessed to be these little miracles mom, but I am thankful for it. In his time there he accomplished so much, and we are  still very proud of him. He was able to come home on December 15, 2012, just in time for Christmas! 

(leaving the Davis Hospital for the last time)

The night before we took Beckham home, we had to stay the night at the hospital so that we could see how he did on the monitor and oxygen. Cayman never had to come home on either, so this was a whole new experience for us. WOW is his monitor LOUD! Lets just say it was a very long night for the both of us, but we made it. Walking out of the hospital for the last time was surreal. I couldn't believe my dreams were finally coming true, and I couldn't wait to have both my boys under one roof. Skyler and I couldn't stop smiling. :)

Some people may think we have lived a hard life having two micro preemies, its quite the contrary. I feel blessed to have learned so much, and to have been a witness of his miracles. I will never take a kiss, a smile, or a hug for granted. Every milestone will mean that much more. My two little boys have stollen my heart and seeing them every morning is one of the best blessings I have ever received. 

Life at home

I can't put into words how happy I am having Beckham home, it has been quite the journey but I wouldn't change it for the world. The first time I cuddled Cayman and Beckham at the same time, I cried. The first time I watched Cayman kiss his little brother, I cried. There are days I just sit and watch them together and become overcome with joy. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father for letting me be their mom, and for watching over Beckham so that he could come home to us. I know things could have been much much worse, and I'm so thankful they weren't. 

The first time Cayman officially met Beckham, he walked up to him and put his favorite blanket over him. Cayman loves his blankets- so this was HUGE. I can't imagine a more proud big brother, just watch this video and you'll know what I mean. :)

Thank You!

I just want to say thank you to everyone who prayed, fasted, sent flowers, gifts, gave words of encouragement, babysat, sent sweet messages, and brought us dinners during Beckhams time in the NICU. We felt the saviors love through all of it, and we are truly thankful for caring so much about our family. To those of you who may be going through a hard time, I can honestly say that I believe you are never alone. Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers, all we need to do is reach out to him and he is ready to pour out his blessings. Miracles happen, I have seen them with my own eyes. Never give up faith and always trust that there is a bigger plan than what we might see. He loves us and wants us to be happy, we just have to trust that he knows best. Love you all so much, and thanks for caring about our family!

He pushes up the board they've tied onto his shoulders

He bears, with dignity, disgrace
He hears the jeering and the wind is getting colder
Tastes the blood upon his face

His body bruised an back still open from the scourges
The consequence of wicked men
He knows no man on earth has ever deserved this
But still He bears it all for them
And He keeps moving up the hill to do His Father's will

With each step He takes there's another to follow
And one more ache, one more tear to swallow
We all stand by and watch as the price is paid
Through the loneliest walk of His life
So we don't feel alone in the night
We can have His hand holding the light
Through the loneliest walk of our lives."

Beckham Luke...a Birth Story

This post has been a long time coming, to be honest I debated even writing it.  I know that sharing my experience will never compare to the emotions I truly felt the day he was born, but I plan on printing out all my blog posts and scrapbooking them, so maybe when I go back and read it ill be reminded of what a miracle he is, and always will be. On September 27, 2012 our precious Beckham Luke was born at 4:00am 2 lbs 9 oz and 15 inches long. It still seems like just yesterday I was sitting next to his incubator wondering if I should say my goodbyes.

To say his birth was scary, would be the understatement of the century. I was 27 weeks pregnant (the same week Cayman was born), I still had no idea whether I was having a boy or girl, and it seemed like my pregnancy was flying by. We had just gotten approved for our new house, and we were very excited to live in UTAH again! I couldn't imagine being more full of love, grateful, and in love with my little growing family. I was in love with my baby bump and with this little baby growing inside me. My pregnancy was going perfect, and my OB was watching me very closely. I had no doubt that I would make it to full term this time around. Life was perfect!

Labor

Skyler was on his way home from extended season for Vivint and had stopped in Minnesota, meanwhile Cayman and I were staying at my moms house in Layton until he got back. It was September 27th 2012 , 27 weeks 3 days pregnant, and that day I felt a little "off." Cayman was all over the place that day, but this time I just couldn't keep up with him. It hurt to hold him and I felt exhausted. Long story short, I went to dinner with my sister, started feeling contractions and realized they were getting closer together. She took me to labor and delivery and I thought, "oh its fine, they'll just give me some medicine to make the labor stop, and ill just have to be on bed rest like last time." To my surprise I was dilated to 7 and the sac was bulging. When she checked to see if I was dilating, it must have caused me to dilate more, because after that my contractions were right on top of each other. I was in transition and my entire body started shaking. Oh THE PAIN, holy cow the pain was unbearable! I don't know how so many women do all natural births, its painful! Then the nausea set in and I couldn't stop throwing up. I thought I threw up so much with Cayman because my contractions were so bad... NOPE, it was because they were pumping me full of Magnesium. (Its what they give women who go into pre term labor as a last resort.) Man was I regretting eating mexican right before this. They gave me a steroid shot, which killed and then did an ultrasound. Dr. Johnson came in and explained that the baby was breech, and because s/he was so small, if my water broke it would cause it to come out butt first and would pinch the umbilical cord, cutting of its oxygen supply. I literally gasped. I didn't want to move, or cry, even cough. I was so scared it would cause my water to break and I might lose our sweet little baby. The doctor then said id have to be taken in for an emergency C-section. My sister explained my reaction like this- I started hyperventilating, and my lips and mouth went blue because I couldn't breath. I had never been more terrified in my life. My sister called Skyler and handed me the phone, I told him they were taking the baby and we both just cried and cried. I don't think there were any words to be said, we were both terrified and in complete shock. I wanted him to be there so bad, I needed my husband and felt so alone without him there. 

C-Section Delivery

After that everything went kinda fuzzy, they wheeled me in to surgery and prepped me for the C-section. When they gave me the spinal they had me lay on my side instead of sitting up just incase sitting up would make my water break. Because of this, I had to be extremely still and try my hardest not to shake or cry. I was dilated to a 10 now, and was ready to push. If any of you have had a baby before, you know how hard it is not to move when your whole body is telling you to GET THIS BABY OUT!! The spinal took about 45 minutes because the lady kept hitting the wrong nerves. They kept telling me to stick my back out more, to stay still, but I was in so much pain. At this point I was screaming. Finally, they finished the spinal and I was completely numb. I was still very nauseaus and my body kept trying to throw up, but its IMPOSSIBLE to do so when you're completely numb up to your neck. I won't go into detail about that. :/ I had no family there the entire surgery and I missed my husband. I knew that if he were there he'd be holding my hand and telling me that everything would be ok. Instead I felt completely alone.

All of a sudden I heard a lot of monitors going off, I could hear the shuffle of of NICU nurses coming in the room, but what I did not hear was the little cry of a newborn baby. I kept trying to hear something, something to tell me if he or she was ok. Finally my mom walked in and sat next to me. She had this look of complete horror on her face. Right then the doctor came over and said that the baby was in critical condition and was really bruised up, but it was ok. Apparently he was sitting sideways in my birth canal and because he was so small, his little body just couldn't handle the pressure from the contractions. We were relieved he was still alive, but terrified for what the future might bring.

Boy or Girl??

After all of this I completely forgot to even ask if it was a boy or girl. By this time I knew in my heart it was a little boy, but all the nurses and even the doctor kept calling him a SHE! I had one of the nurses go in to the NICU to verify the gender, and sure enough he was all boy! I knew it, I knew Cayman was getting a little brother. :)

Coming to Terms...

It took about an hour for them to sew me back up. The doctor explained that because he was breech and the way he way laying in my uterus, they had to cut me open from hip to hip through the muscle, and then vertically to get to the baby out. Because of this, I had a horrible recovery. The normal 6-8 week recovery ended up being about 12 weeks for me. He said if we ever get pregnant again, ill have to do another C-section, no chance of a v-back for me. That ok I guess, because after having two micro -preemies, we are probably done having babies. They wheeled me in to postpartum and we waited. A few hours passed and they finally came in to update us on Beckham (who at the time still didn't have a name). He said that he was on a ventilator at the moment but were hoping to get him off of it the following day, and that he was 2 lbs 9 oz and 15" long. He was really big for his gestational age, so that gave us hope! He said we could go see him if we wanted.

Ill never forget the emotions I felt looking at our new baby boy for the first time. I can't even put into words the thoughts that ran through my head. One of my absolute worst fears was that I would have another micro preemie. (ask any of my friends) After having Cayman, I just couldn't imagine having a baby in the NICU and him at home. He needed his mommy. I knew my heart would be in two places at once and I just couldn't come to terms with it. I didn't understand why I had to go through this AGAIN! What could I have possibly done to deserve this? So, I distanced myself. I wouldn't touch him, I didn't want to accept the fact that this was really happening. I left the NICU to get some rest feeling completely numb. I just wanted to go to sleep, and wake up from this horrible nightmare. He was completely bruised from being breech, and looked very ill. That is not the way you want to see your newborn baby for the first time, bruised from head to toe, with cords and tubes running everywhere. He looked completely miserable, and I was helpless to do anything for him. I just wanted to take his place so he didn't have to feel any pain. I realized then that although I knew what it was like to have a baby in the NICU, this experience might be completely different than Caymans, and it was. Beckham was not doing nearly as well, and my heart ached thinking about the pain he was in. 

My husband
Skyler caught a flight to Salt Lake as soon as I told him they were taking the baby, and he showed up shortly after they let me see Beckham for the first time. I was still in A LOT of pain from the C-section so having him there was the greatest feeling. Id wake up in the middle of the night needing to use the restroom and he'd literally pick me up and carry me. He laid in my tiny bed with me every night and took me on walks every day in my wheel chair. He wasn't acting any different than he usually does, but it meant so much more now. I think I take for granted what a great husband I have. Having him by my side during such a scary time was a great comfort. When he met Beckham for the first time, he didn't see all the tubes and wires, he saw his amazing little boy who must be pretty tough to go through all he was going through. All Skyler saw in our little boy-was love. I know that no matter what we find out about Beckham in the future, it will never make us feel any differently about him. That is one thing I absolutely love about my husband. 

His Name

Beckham didn't have a name for a while in the NICU. We didn't even know if we were having a boy or girl until the day I had him, and even then we weren't set on any names.  I was IN LOVE with the name Beckham, but my sister Becky had already claimed it. She was/is pregnant and swore she was having a boy, and said his name would be Beckham (I on the other hand KNEW she was having a girl).  I fell in love with the name and couldn't shake the feeling that it was "THE name" So the day he was born, I asked her if I could use the name if she was having a girl. Well, because she loves me so much, she went to fetal photos and found out the gender. Sure enough, I was RIGHT and she was having a girl. She came back to the hospital and showed us the ultrasound video, and said I could have the name! YAY, he finally had a name. Beckham Luke Dyer.

Intense Love

Everyone talks about the intense love you feel once you meet your baby for the first time. I felt it with Cayman and will never forget emotions I felt watching him helplessly in the NICU. To be honest I was terrified to feel that with Beckham. I knew the pain I would feel once I fell in love with him, I would realize that I had ANOTHER little boy in the NICU and not only that, but I had Cayman at home who also needed his mommy. 

The following day Dr. Johnson came in and updated us on Beckham, here is what I wrote about it the day of.

"It's been a rough start for baby Beckham. Today we found out he has a pulmonary hemorrhage and will not be able to be taken off the vent for quite some time. The IV on his head infiltrated which caused a big blood bruise that swelled the left side of his head. They tried to do a PICC line but were unsuccessful because his body is bruised all over from being breech while I was in labor. The multiple pokes caused even more bruising. He's on a new respirator that almost makes him look like his chest is vibrating. They said it will help with the hemorrhage. Still no word on his head ultrasound, but we are praying for good news. It's been a completely different experience than we had with Cayman, he never had so many complications and so early on. Beckham received his first blessing from daddy last night, thanks to Jason Hamblin for coming to help on such short notice. We are truly grateful for all the love and support we have received during this scary time. I can't wait until all my boys are happy and healthy, and under one roof. I love them more than I could have ever imagined. Please continue to pray for our little one, he is a fighter just like his big brother"

After Dr. Johnson gave us the bad news, I came in to see Beckham. Now that he had a name, everything felt so much more real. I was ready to stop distancing myself from him. I knew it would hurt to accept the fact that I had another little boy in the NICU, but he needed me. 

"I never thought it was possible to love someone the way I love my little Cayman; but holding Beckham's hand last night, my heart grew two sizes. I have two of the most amazing little boys in the world, and my heart is so full I feel like it might burst. It terrifies me knowing that for the next few months it will always be in two places at once. I am living my worst nightmare, but my boys are keeping me strong. I am so grateful for them, for all of the many prayers we have recieved from friends and family, my amazing husband, and for our Saviors love. In spite of everything I have a lot to be thankful for!"

This picture is so heartbreaking, yet so precious to me. This is the face of my little boy who was going through something harder than even I could endure. This is the face of one of our Heavenly Fathers most precious gifts. He had been though so much in the last 24 hours and because I was so afraid to fall in love with him and face reality, he had been all alone. I realized then that my life was changed forever. I finally felt that intense love everyone talks about, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Heart broken doesn't even begin to explain it. I sat by his incubator and cried harder, and prayed harder than I ever had before. I told him to be strong, that his mommy loved him and needed him to keep fighting. I told him over and over how sorry I was for not being there for him, and that I was never going to do that again. He stopped crying, and we looked at each other for a long time. Its like he knew I was his mom, and I felt the spirit just being close to him. My life-was changed forever.

The next few weeks were intense to say the least. Having a baby in the nicu is full of ups and downs, but despite it all I learned a lot. I will update about his time there in my next post. :)

Still Alive!!

To say life has been crazy lately would be an understatement. I have so many things I want/need to post about but I just can't seem to find the time. I get about 4 hrs of sleep at night, so when I do have the time to blog, I just want to rest! I just wanted to let you all know I am still alive and I promise I will have some update posts coming real soon (hopefully within the week). Sadly, I don't really use Facebook anymore and I can't exactly update about my crazy life on instagram (I swear its the new Facebook.) :) 2012 was definitely an eventful year, and although it brought a lot of tears and heartache, it also brought my husband and I closer together, it brought our beautiful baby boy Beckham into this world, and we had a lot of humbling yet amazing experiences. My heart is so full I feel like it might burst!

2012 in summary- Cayman's first Birthday, Skyler and I went to Cancun, found out we were pregnant with #2, spent the summer in beautiful South Carolina, had our sweet baby Beckham 13 weeks early, spent 3 months in the NICU, moved into our new home in Lehi, took Beckham home, and ended the year right by spending Christmas in our new home with BOTH our boys. :) 

Surprise!

WOO HOO!! Skyler and I are PREGNANT! We are due December 25, 2012 aka CHRISTMAS DAY, and we could not be happier! As most of you know we were told our chances of ever getting pregnant again were slim to none. I think they gave us a percentage of less than 8%. Welp, that just goes to show that doctors do not know everything, and that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us.

At the beginning of April, I was staying with my friend Kristen right before we both moved to South Carolina to be with our husbands. I was a couple days late for my period but wasn't too worried about it. Things like this had been going on a lot lately, and my doctor said it was a sign that my left ovary was dying (which sadly after my ectopic pregnancy is the only working one I have left). Kristen talked me into taking a pregnancy test, and low and behold the pregnancy line showed up even darker than the control line! I stood there in shock and screamed for Kristen who started laughing uncontrollably. How does this happen? Seriously? I was absolutely NOT expecting that. At first I didn't really know how to feel about it. First I was excited, then terrified, then relieved, and then panicked. When I told Skyler he thought I was joking, because not even 3 months before that, they told us we would likely never be able to get pregnant again. Once he realized I wasn't kidding, he was excited and that made me excited! We had our first ultrasound at 5 weeks and saw that the little peanut was NOT another ectopic, then heard its tiny heartbeat at 9 weeks, a strong 181 BPM! WHAT A MIRACLE!!!! I am now 21 weeks and everything is looking perfect for Baby Dyer #2! He/she does not have SUA (which is why Cayman was born so early) and no heart defects. We couldn't be happier!

(Here I am at 20 weeks, half way point! Yay)

(20 week Level 2 Ultrasound. Baby is PERFECT )

Now, is it a BOY or a GIRL??!! Its a.....we aren't finding out! ;) At first I was 110% sure it was a little girl. I had dreams about her, Skyler had dreams about her, he said he even sometimes felt like saying "she" when we said prayers. Not only that, but my pregnancy is COMPLETELY different than Caymans. Everything from what I crave, how sick I am/was, my skin, my hair, my attitude, to the babies movements. Im 21 weeks and STILL throwing up every other day. That never happened with Cayman. It wasn't until about 16 weeks that I started to feel otherwise. I was watching Skyler play with Cayman in the pool and picturing what it would be like with two kids, instead of just one. All of a sudden I realized something. I couldn't see us with a little girl yet, I pictured Cayman with a little BROTHER!!!! It was the craziest feeling. The next day I had my 16 week check up, and my doctor checked my cervix because I'm high risk. Anyway, while she was looking at my cervix, I was watching our sweet baby, and I SWEAR I saw a little turtle (aka penis)!!! Now, I am no medical expert and know nothing about ultrasounds, so I could be wrong. Maybe it was a finger, umbilical cord, or even a foot. Haha but once I saw that, I came home SO DEPRESSED! I know that sounds selfish, but hear me out. I had spent 16 weeks falling in love with what I thought was our little girl. The little girl I knew I would have since I was 15 years old, my little Aubrielle Kate (after my grandma Kathleen). Now I felt like it was a boy, and it broke my heart. I felt like I lost her, like she'd died and I was never going to get her back. Sounds pathetic, but I was devastated. It wasn't until I talked to my mother in law, that I finally started to feel better.

She told me, "Bethany, you make a wonderful mom for boys. You will be their soccer mom, go to their wrestling matches, go camping, and four wheeling, and love and protect them." She also said something that hit me really hard! She said, "maybe this isn't about what you or Skyler want, maybe its about what CAYMAN NEEDS!"

That was it, It all made sense. Heavenly Father might not be sending me a little girl because I want one, he might be sending me a boy because Cayman NEEDS one! All I want is what is best for Cayman, so how could I be sad about that? Now I am EXCITED!!! After that conversation it didn't matter to me what the gender was, it was miracle we were even pregnant and if having a boy is better for Cayman, than by all means I will be the best mom to our sweet baby boy! If its a girl, well then thats awesome too. Cayman will make an awesome big brother to a little sister, I know he will love and protect her forever. Yay for babies and all their cuteness! I can't wait to have this little peanut and find out if its Caymans partner in crime, or his sweet baby sister I've had so many dreams about. December 2012 will be a very eventful month for the Dyer Family! :)

(Cayman likes to lay his head on my belly and says "bay-bee??" He is going to be the BEST big brother ever!)

Myrtle Beach!

BROADWAY AT THE BEACH! ~Yay, I am finally to the second part of the summer. Man, we have done a lot! We moved to Charleston for the second part of the summer, which was actually kind of nice because it has a lot more to do! Downtown has its "charm" but my favorite part is being so close to Myrtle Beach. We went to "Broadway at the Beach" with the Nelson's and went to the aquarium. Skyler and Adam had to be back to work the next day, so they stayed for the day and drove home that night, while the wives and kids stayed to play. We got a hotel overlooking the ocean and stayed there for the weekend. It was awesome, Myrtle Beach is a blast! 

I just have to mention that I have the absolute best husband ever! As you can see, almost every picture I post is of Skyler with Cayman. On Skylers days off, Cayman is HIS kid. The second we walked in the acquarium Skyler took Cayman from me and said, "you get him 6 days a week, I want to play with him!" Honestly it is so nice getting a break once a week. I was able to enjoy my time with my family knowing Cayman was having a blast, and I didn't have to be the one holding him and chasing him around everywhere. I'm too tired and pregnant to keep up with him sometimes. Haha

Have I mentioned that Cayman loves aquariums, and pretty much anything having to do with water? Because he does... A LOT! 

(He was so mesmerized by the big fish and would jump every time one swam by him. He must take after me in this way, because I was the same way when I was younger. )

(Skyler showing Cayman the Sting Rays. )

FUNNY STORY ALERT! Cayman fell in love with this little sea otter stuffed animal. So, Kristen's mom surprised him with a BIG one, and he was SO excited. He cuddled it and played with it all day. It even unzips into a blanket/ pillow. Now he won't go to sleep unless its with him. Cutest thing ever!     

                 

( He is better than the best dad ever. He waited in a long line just to buy Cayman a "Scooba Steve!" Who does that? MY HUSBAND!)

 (This dinosaur was scary! Im not joking, it even scared me a little. It would turn its head and roar at you so loud! Cayman didn't know what to think of it. If Skyler got too close he'd throw his hands up with a look of terror and cry. Haha but the second he walked away he wanted to go right back. Adrenaline junky I tell you!)

FAMILY DAY! Another day Skylers office reached an incentive, so they got to go to Medieval Times in Myrtle beach. We were happy to accept the offer considering Cayman and I had never been there, and we love Myrtle Beach. We made it a family day and came down early to shop and go to the beach. Again, we went to Broadway at the Beach because we had so much fun the last time. We walked around and ate ice cream and played games. Another perfect day! :)

(Cayman DID NOT like his hat, the guy put it on him as we walked in to take a picture, and he was fine for a while. Then all of a sudden he got this look of terror and started screaming bloody murder! haha What the heck? We were so confused. Every time someone would try and put it on him, he'd smile at first and then start crying. It was too funny!)

4th of July!

This 4th of July was awesome! We spent it at the Isle of Palms beach and watched the fireworks over the boardwalk. So pretty, and Cayman had a blast! Almost all of Skylers office and their wives and kids were there, so there were tons of people to talk to and play with. Such a fun day!

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(Eating grapes, ready to watch the fireworks!)