I finally got the results back from the autopsy they did on my placenta. They wanted to see why I went in to pre term labor, and it looks like it was because Cayman had SUA (two vessel umbilical cord) and wasn't receiving enough nutrients. So I guess my body knew he needed to get out or he wouldn't survive. Isn't it crazy what the human body is capable of, and how sometimes it just knows what's best?
Anyway, to be honest when I heard that news I was relieved. I think one thing that comes along with pre term labor, is those people that think it's ok to self diagnose why you did go into labor so early. People told me, "oh, it's probably because you moved from state to state so much, and your body was stressed, or it's probably because you worked out too hard." in my honest opinion I think that's extremely heartless to tell a mother that it's her fault her baby is in the NICU, struggling for every breath. BUT that's just life and I think those people thought it would help me to have answers instead of always wondering what I could have done better. So, I can't really get upset or hold grudges.
I've blamed myself for his early arrival for a while now, but I've decided that it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I could have eaten better, stayed more hydrated, didn't work out...but the truth is, I TRIED MY BEST! I practically lived in a bubble while I was pregnant because I was always so worried. I know that Heavenly Father wanted Skyler and I to have this experience for a reason, so I am going to learn as much from it as I can. Cayman has already taught me to love more, pray harder, and to always have faith. He has blessed my life already and I KNOW he will grow big and strong, and do great things one day. The spirit he brings is simply breath taking. Even the nurses say that when they are assigned to take care of him, they get excited because he is such a sweet little boy and they are happier just being around him. I am lucky to be his mommy and HE teaches ME how to be a better person.
On a side note: Cayman is now 6 lbs 3 oz and getting CHUBBY! He is completely off his nasal cannula and is breast feeding a lot more now. He already has the cutest little personality too. He loves to breast feed, and HATES his bottle. When I hold him he likes to keep one leg out across my stomach, if I try to move it he throws a fit. He loves his snuggle with mommy time, and makes grunting sounds if a nurse tries to move him. Whenever Skyler comes to visit, he will open his eyes really wide when he hears his voice and starts looking around for him (so cute). He's addicted to his pacifier. One morning I walked in to his room; and he was in his crib crying, holding his pacifier to his face and trying to find his mouth. Right now he has a HORRIBLE bum rash, so bad a wound specialist had to come in and see it. SO as I write this; Cayman is on his belly, butt up in the air, with no diaper on, under a big warmer. Its the cutest thing ever, but so sad that his bum is hurting him. He doesn't like being on his belly for very long so he scoots and scoots until he is completely sideways on the warmer....little stinker. He LOVES his bath time now, not so much before, but he is liking them more and more. I wrap him in a towel and sit him in the warm tub and he just sits there looking around making cooing noises. hah he is so adorable. Every day he gets bigger and stronger, and as soon as he is off his feeding tube WE CAN TAKE HIM HOME! So, we need lots of prayers that he will do better with his oral feeds. Thank you for all of your continued prayers, we are so blessed and thankful for all of you. I am the luckiest mommy IN THE WORLD! :)
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Pre Term Labor~
On March 7th at 25 weeks 6 days pregnant, I was standing in our kitchen making Skyler and I dinner. I started to feel really uncomfortable and noticed that the baby seemed to be sitting really low and I was feeling a lot of pressure. It got so bad that Skyler had me sit down as he rubbed my back. I had never been in labor before so I had no idea what to look for, or even if this was normal. I thought maybe the baby had changed positions and I was starting to get into the "uncomfortable 3rd trimester" everyone talked about. That night while in bed I started to feel pain in my back along with tightening in my stomach. I called my doctor, and my sister Becky, who both told me to time them to make sure they weren't consistent. If they were consistent, I should go to labor and delivery. At first they were 15 minutes apart, then 10, and after a while I started to get so exhausted that I finally fell asleep. I woke up the next morning at 5:30am with bleeding and contractions 3-5 minutes apart. I told Skyler we needed to go to labor and delivery asap.
Once there, they hooked me up to all the monitors and started an IV. The babies heartbeat was great and he seemed to be moving around like normal, but every time I had a contraction he would stop moving and his heartbeat would drop dramatically. They checked my cervix and saw that I was dilated to a 1 and ran a bunch of tests. One test they did was called a fetal fibronectin. It tests to see if you will go in to pre term labor within the next two weeks, my results came back positive. I remember being in shock when they explained that I had a high chance of having my baby boy any day now. They gave me medicine to stop the contractions. It made me feel sick, anxious, and dizzy but they did stop the contractions. I stayed at the Fairview Ridges Hospital for a little over a week with off and on contractions until my contractions started to get worse. Because I was only 26 almost 27 weeks pregnant, they couldn't keep me at that hospital anymore because they don't deliver babies under 30 weeks there. Finally, they took me in an ambulance to a higher level hospital, the University Hospital in Downtown Minneapolis. I stayed there for a few days and after a while my contractions finally stopped. I was SO excited when they told me we could go home. They sent me home on medication to stop contractions and I could not wait to sleep in my own bed and be with me sweet puppy Rookie again.
That excitement didn't last very long... On March 17th at only 27 weeks pregnant (The same night they released me from the Hospital) I went in to FULL BLOWN labor! It started off really slow and not very painful, so I called my doctor and she said to take my medicine every 4 hours instead of every 6. I did that, and they did not slow even a little bit, instead they just got worse and worse. It got to the point that I couln't walk and every 5 minutes I was throwing up because the pain from contractions were so bad. Once again we packed up everything we needed, and headed back to the University Hospital. Ironically we were put in the same room we had stayed in earlier that day. The doctor there checked my cervix again which was now dilated to a 2 and was "soft." So, as a last resort they put me on Magnesium to stop the labor. It worked for less than an hour, and then my contractions started right back up again, except this time they were A LOT worse. I wasn't able to eat anything and I was throwing up during every contraction. After being in labor for over two weeks, and full blown labor for 24 hours...Cayman was ready to come. By this point I was completely exhausted from the pain, so my nurse called my doctor and had him check my cervix again. I was dialated to a 3, and a half hour later I was a 4/5 and he could feel his head, so they rushed me over to labor and delivery. The doctor said they had tried everything and it looked like there was no stopping it.
Skyler had a hard time watching me get the epidural, once he saw the needle go in my back he had to turn around and take a deep breath. Haha he must love me or something because I saw him wipe a few tears. It must have looked pretty scary cause I hardly felt a thing, and once it was over I was in HEAVEN! After being in that much pain for 24 hours, I could finally relax! My contractions were off the charts and I felt no pain, and didn't even notice when my water broke!
When they first told me that I was in pre term labor, I remember imagining what it'd be like to see my tiny little baby. I thought id cry uncontrollably, and that id be devastated seeing him that way. It was actually the exact opposite. When I first held him, I felt that strong spirit that he possesed. I knew without a doubt that this baby was very recently in the arms of our Heavenly Father and I couldn't help but stare at him and smile. I couldn't believe that he was all mine, and that Heavenly Father trusted me enough to be his mom. Skyler and I gave him one last kiss before they took away, and then they rushed him to the NICU.
The day I was released from the hospital was a little bittersweet. I was happy to finally be out of there, but extremely sad that I couldn't bring my baby home with me. I'd wake up every morning in tears and have a mental breakdown. I dont know if it was just because my exhaustion had finally caught up to me, or if it was my hormones going crazy. One night I woke up to breast pump and started yelling at Skyler while looking under the blankets and pillows screaming, "WHERE IS MY BABY!!" I think I might have scared him a little bit, but Skyler just said, "Honey, our babies in the NICU, he's ok...calm down." I think back now and remember yelling at him, but still can't figure out why in the World I thought my baby was under my pillow??