I finally got the results back from the autopsy they did on my placenta. They wanted to see why I went in to pre term labor, and it looks like it was because Cayman had SUA (two vessel umbilical cord) and wasn't receiving enough nutrients. So I guess my body knew he needed to get out or he wouldn't survive. Isn't it crazy what the human body is capable of, and how sometimes it just knows what's best?
Anyway, to be honest when I heard that news I was relieved. I think one thing that comes along with pre term labor, is those people that think it's ok to self diagnose why you did go into labor so early. People told me, "oh, it's probably because you moved from state to state so much, and your body was stressed, or it's probably because you worked out too hard." in my honest opinion I think that's extremely heartless to tell a mother that it's her fault her baby is in the NICU, struggling for every breath. BUT that's just life and I think those people thought it would help me to have answers instead of always wondering what I could have done better. So, I can't really get upset or hold grudges.
I've blamed myself for his early arrival for a while now, but I've decided that it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I could have eaten better, stayed more hydrated, didn't work out...but the truth is, I TRIED MY BEST! I practically lived in a bubble while I was pregnant because I was always so worried. I know that Heavenly Father wanted Skyler and I to have this experience for a reason, so I am going to learn as much from it as I can. Cayman has already taught me to love more, pray harder, and to always have faith. He has blessed my life already and I KNOW he will grow big and strong, and do great things one day. The spirit he brings is simply breath taking. Even the nurses say that when they are assigned to take care of him, they get excited because he is such a sweet little boy and they are happier just being around him. I am lucky to be his mommy and HE teaches ME how to be a better person.
On a side note: Cayman is now 6 lbs 3 oz and getting CHUBBY! He is completely off his nasal cannula and is breast feeding a lot more now. He already has the cutest little personality too. He loves to breast feed, and HATES his bottle. When I hold him he likes to keep one leg out across my stomach, if I try to move it he throws a fit. He loves his snuggle with mommy time, and makes grunting sounds if a nurse tries to move him. Whenever Skyler comes to visit, he will open his eyes really wide when he hears his voice and starts looking around for him (so cute). He's addicted to his pacifier. One morning I walked in to his room; and he was in his crib crying, holding his pacifier to his face and trying to find his mouth. Right now he has a HORRIBLE bum rash, so bad a wound specialist had to come in and see it. SO as I write this; Cayman is on his belly, butt up in the air, with no diaper on, under a big warmer. Its the cutest thing ever, but so sad that his bum is hurting him. He doesn't like being on his belly for very long so he scoots and scoots until he is completely sideways on the warmer....little stinker. He LOVES his bath time now, not so much before, but he is liking them more and more. I wrap him in a towel and sit him in the warm tub and he just sits there looking around making cooing noises. hah he is so adorable. Every day he gets bigger and stronger, and as soon as he is off his feeding tube WE CAN TAKE HIM HOME! So, we need lots of prayers that he will do better with his oral feeds. Thank you for all of your continued prayers, we are so blessed and thankful for all of you. I am the luckiest mommy IN THE WORLD! :)