Monday, July 12, 2010
This Roller Coaster we call LIFE!
Well, if anything I can definitely say that my life has been a roller coaster lately. Some days are great, others are scary, some are sad, and some are everything at once! The good news is that my doctor has taken me off of bed rest. He said that if I'm going to lose the baby there is really nothing we can do. He wants me to live my life and just be careful and not do an vigorous activities. Ive been to the ER again since my last post. I started feeling extremely sharp shooting pains again. This time it was different, I knew something was wrong. My back was aching, the pain was a million times worse than before (which I didn't think was possible), and I was bleeding A LOT more than usual. Of course Skyler took me to the ER where we waited 2 hrs before a doctor was even able to see us. I thought for sure we had lost our precious baby and I felt completely numb...I didn't even know what to think and I was in shock. How could I have been so sure things would work out just for it to end like this? When the doctor finally came in to see me I told her what was going on. She seemed pretty convinced I had miscarried as well so she decided to do a pelvic exam. I thought to myself, "this is it, this is where the sadness begins." To my surprise though,and against all odds, our baby was still holding on. She said my cervix was closed and my HCG levels are going up slowly so that still leaves the possibility that it could be an ectopic pregnancy. If any of you have ever read about ectopic pregnancies, no matter where you read it...they are very dangerous. I really hope that this is not the case and that I do have a viable pregnancy. I want to keep our baby so bad and the thought of losing it makes my heart ache. I go in again today for blood work to see if my hormone levels are going up appropriately again. I just ask for your prayers right now that we will get good news, and that our baby will continue to grow. I know that no matter what happens though, Heavenly Father will be there for me and he has a plan for me. I may not understand it now, but I will some day. I have an amazing husband, wonderful friends, and a great family who are helping me through this trial and I am so thankful for ALL of you. A special thank you to Skyler, Becky, Whitney, and my Mom for believing and having faith that this will all work out. That's what keeps me going and helps me to have faith. I love you so much!